SighZ

Sighz... saw that guy for the 1 million times in my hall le...
recently always in her rm.. wat the fuck?~!! waht is going on between them?
i really getting very disturbed liao.. i mean 1 or 2 times is okay wat.... but so many times~!??? with doors closed!!! then always study together??
i know she has the freedom to do all tat but i also got the freedom to be jealous lar~! this fucking whole week she's like spending with him . watch waht fucking dance concert~!
i dunno .. i really dunno.. maybe she think i will always be there for her? so she can just do anything she please...
i am forcing myself to believe that it's okay.. but failing cos it's sooooo obvious the guy likes her lar. All men are selfish. i can tolerate if it's just 1 or 2 times... but is it??!
think i am going to confront her with it later. determine once and for all wat's going on...
cos i really cannot take it lying down anymore...

cool

haha.. dunno why i was feeling so insecured past few days.. probably because i expected more to come out of that day. but well nvm haha... back to normal le.she is busy with her stuff i am also busy with my stuff..
haha
hope i dun feel like tat in the future.. like so unmanly like tat.. liek some despo guy..
ahahaaa...am i? =P

Burp~!

ate a lot a lot of ba gua lar~! yum!~ ate a lot from janice and mavis+ nikkis' ba gua... now feeling damn full and sinful now. dun know wat got over me juz now..maybe due to the fact that i am feeling a bit blue now...
sometimes it's best not to put your hopes too high cos u will end up not feeling that disapppointed..maybe i juz wanted more to happen today. something tat will make me feel that she really care about me. something to let me know that i am special in her eyes also... damn man ... y do i always feel so unsecure? probably due to the fact that someone gave her a digicam~!! how can i beat that.. that guy scored a jackpot somemore cos she loves to take photos.... guess the song ta de bei yin by wang jie is really quite affecting me now lar. Sometimes i get really sick feeling this way man. this is like soooo weak lar. wish i could be more like jianwei who is more bochap than me in terms of many things and not so wishy washy like me...

Valentine's day~

today i had complication with my plan... they didnt make the flower that i ordered~! in the end i had to wait until after dinnner before i was able to pass her the flowers. was really quite quite disappointed when she didnt wait for me to finish dinner before she went up. like she couldnt give a shit about it. but never mind i guess she's stressed over her quiz tml. when i gave her the flowers the look in her face make it all worthwhile...really hope she like my present. she got many pple giving her presents lar. like this pri sch fren who gave a digcam to her... muz be some rich man son...

really spend quite some time writing the card to her. hopefully she will read it. really hope she will like the bracelet too. asked laura to buy with me on sun.. walked around for quite some time before i chose that one...i be so touched if she were to wear it on her wrist when i c her.

Valentine's day~

Valentine's Day Eve

words can describe how happy i am to receive her valentine gift and her note...although it's juz some sweets i am really really happy that she put in the effort to make valentine day gift for me...really warms my heart.

in the note she wrote how sorry tat she cannot be my valentine and stuff...thanking me for being there for her. wah.. i am in cloud no 9 lor...=)yar.. from what i gather from her note i got chance.~!=)think i am going to laminate the slip of note she wrote to me.

then i was so gan chong lar.. dun know whether to pass her the gift that i went out with laura to buy today. haha.. in the end decided to pass it to her only after i got the flowers i ordered from junli.really hope she will like my present.
saw her holding the water bottle i gave her 2 days ago during friday. i was so happy man... think what alvin koh said to me today is very true.. i should try ways to make her think of me. things liek the water bottle and possibly the bracelet if she wears it to make her think of me.=)

Really glad to meet up with alvin juz now. Been really a while since i last saw him. He gave me some really good advices. buddies forever man~! But really hope that he can cut down on his smoking man... dun like him to smoke. to think that last time he condemn smoking.. wah kaoz~!

Really hope that i can make her day really special tommorrow.Although i know she most probably be very stressed from studying for her test on wed.

Judgement Day

Am i becoming more and more gu niang?~!! wtf~! keep assume things here assume things there.. what is happening to me??~!!!

Today saw this guy with her as she came to the dining hall to pack dinner. Then before i left i went up to fill water and saw the guy's sandals outside her door. then after dinner i came back she's not in...what am i supposed to make out of it? they went out? even if it's true it's her freedom so why is it that i am so troubled?~!

I dun know why i am feeling so down recently. is it because she's supposingly attached? I dun know myself. i juz know tat it's a really sucky feeling and i dun wan it to drag anymore.
increasingly sounding like a hua chi, a despo...... but she meant really really too much to me...

Oh well juz saw her msn online. think she got back le. maybe i should go up and ask her after i bathe.. it's for my own good. so that i may at least move on from my current state. TOnight either i am a happiest man on earth or i shall be the saddest.......

Is it really confirmed?

sighz. juz got another friend tell me that she's attached to benny. if it's true why did she tell me? scared that i will be hurt?by not telling me it only serves to hurt me even more.

Shall not speculate and should really asked her straight first.think i ask her if she can be my gf.then i ask her bout whether she's with benny.

i dun think so though.. i think the feeling is mutual when we went out during my birthday. can tell she was very unwilling to say goodbye to me after we went out for only a short while. although it didnt mean much but there were times where she held my arm n also when she lean against me. i dun think girls do tat to everybody lor.

wtf?

juz heard from someone asking me if xiaoyun is attached... wtf?
now i AM confused... sighz....
decide not to get bothered over it. i just try my best.. if it works out fine. if it does then i guess it's not to be. Dont wanna regret at the end of the day..

Lonely Friday

it's friday again. wasted many hours of my time doing project for sociology waiting for people. Yesterday had a long night. had hall production meeting straight after my tuition. We discussed until about 140am. by the time i had supper and came back it was already 220 am. went to find xiaoyun because i saw her room door was ajar when i went up to fill water but she was already sound asleep. That girl always sleeps like a baby. so adorable and so blur when she's like half asleep half asleep like that... makes me really wanna kiss her .

anyway today after school i went up to fill water and found a different pair of shoes in her room. wonder who it is. know that i shouldnt be affected but i am slightly affected. I guess i am just insecured as i do not know for sure how she felt towards me. I mean she's not even my girlfriend or something. She have every right to bring guys to her room.

Asked her to eat dinner together but she said she had to go for meeting then go home le. sighz.
wanna ask her out tommorrow initially but i guess....guess i will msg her later asking her if she's going to Benny's 21th birthday. Then ask her maybe if she wanna meet me t go together as i have no idea where his place is...oh yar.. that means i must go buy a present for him.. wonder what i should buy.. really running low of budget le.

Anyway the only thing that i am really happy about is that i am finally debt free.~!! return the $860 that i owed today to alan and guoyong.. felt that a hugh burden had been removed from my bag. NO longer shall i have to have a hole in my pocket. finally i can make sure of the excess money that i had to better use such as save up for my driving test and stuff..

Really missed her now.... wonder if she even thought about me now...oh gosh~! i sound like some "hua chi"~!! but that really how i feel now.

Yummy Soup

Feel so in bliss now... she made soup for me.. it's the best tasting soup i ever had manz... yum~! although its kinda not warm now but it's still damn nice~!!! yum~!
but i wonder who is the person in her room now.

wasted. if nobody is in her room i sure will share the soup with her. so nice of her~=)

yay~! saw her when i went up juz now. she's so beautiful~! Told me she have a new job as panasonic model. yup~! she seems very cheerful~!
So. the guy in her room is her primary sch fren. haha.

cLOUD

today i spent the whole 4 hrs in arts lecture with her. although we didnt really get to talk much, it meant a lot to me that she asked me to go crash her lecture. really enjoyed her company.
just gave her a waterbottle. actually i was intending to buy her one also cos always c her losing it but i decided to buy a nicer one for her so in the end didnt buy the addidas one for her. however in the end cos elaine bought the same waterbottle as me so i passed mine to xiaoyun. when she say she bu she de use i was damn touched but i was feeling drowsy already. had a long evening where everything went wrong. tuition cancelled, dun know how to do tut etc...
wanted to ask her what's our relationship and ask her if she wanna be my significant other but didnt have the chance to.then i heard from ron that someone say she and benny are together.
i dun think so manz. she gave me this feeling that she like me also . but then again u can never be too sure. it happened for the junjie case. although i didnt told her tat i liked her the other time , i am pretty afraid history will repeat itself and turn out to be true..
but for now wat's impt is to concentrate on my studies ~
maybe i am too inexperienced in this but i really like to have reassurance here.

THIS SONG'S FOR YOU

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song
and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mindI hope you don't mind
that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen


this song is for you...