Broken

after all this time... i am worth nothing more than a fling at most...
sighz... this has got to be the saddest thing on earth man... i am so so so disappointed now...
i tot i meant more to her...

finally asked her the question whether she is attached to lawrance or not.. but i guess there's no point also.. cos i am not even worth anything in her heart.. i am just a passerby to her lor... sighz... is it me who assumes too many things?all the postcards, my bday outing, the kiss, the things we did...her holding on to my arm. afterall this i am worth nothing more than a fling at best?
i dun understand why she does not wan to get into a relationship... isnt it natural for someone to wan to be with the person that he/she likes? my only ans to the qn is tat she does not like me...
"i told u right from the start i dun wan a relationship. it's not wad i wan so if i do get tog with u , it'll prob be for a fling. Not in that way anymore"
i cant believe she actually msged tat to me... all this while i tot if i juz perservere i will be able to win her heart and this~! if i do get together with u, it'll prob be for a fling~!!!!!!! wtf~! i am really really disappointed...

she just replied and said tat she does not like me that way anymore..... hope someday somehow there will be someone who like her as much or even more than me who can win her heart lor... i am getting weary of it le...
i gave my all and this is wat happened... i dunno man... maybe i am just meant to be disappointed a few times before i can be able to wake up... damn heartbroken now... almost like someone took a piece of my heart and throw it into the rubbish bin as i lay there dying in the pain... never felt so much pain before... she mean everything to me. but a bubble eventually have to burst i guess... tried forgetting about her when she and junjie got together but i failed... dunno how i am gonna forget about her now... i think i will never find another person that i care for and like as much ever... sighz...
aRGH~!!!! ARGHHH~!! really feel like screaming on the top of my lungs now... dying on the inside now... i tried and i tried but i guess it's juz not enough... if she were to ask for the star on the sky i would have got it for her... but i guess it does not matter anymore...

ARGHHHHARGHHHHARGHHHH~H!!!!! why is there tears in my eyes? why do i feel so much pain? why is it tat i cant stop crying~!!!! it's totally unlike me~!!! y~!??? y did i have to put everything into this although many frens were asking to forget it.. ?? why? why?? why does she feel the same way i feel about her?? the kiss is for fun?? the times she fell asleep on my shoulders? the late night talks.? dont tat mean ANYthing ??? why cant i cant control the tears??? y cant i bear to accept the fact?? y?~!!! all the pain and agony inside .. it's suffocating me... i always tot that if only i was sincere and persevere enough one day i can finally touch her heart...
it has been close to a yr since i know her... i guess tat's not enough... she's more concerned about being popular? having her flings? i dunno~ really wan to forget her but i cant~!! i dun care about her past... tot we could a create a future together , the 2 of of us.... sighz...argh`!!!
my heart is like getting shredded into pieces....~!!!
somebody somebody~ pls stop this pain..... never wept for a long long time... the last time i wept was also cos of her~!!!!