had a nice talk with her on thursday. we talked at wisma and she told me tat she no longer like me tat way anymore.. n i cant create e miracle tat i was trying to create n tat it will be a one sided affair.. something along this line... so wat can i do but to let go...
letting go is really hard..really the hardest thing i ever have to do... guess i put in too much of my emotion into her.. wishing someday somehow i can be the man for her.but apparently i juz aint...
i dun blame her for anything.. i juz blame myself for unable to make her feel for me the way i feel towards her. I can blame jj for breaking watever confidence she has on relationship and also blame myself for not meeting her earlier and stuff but i guess it all boils down to me not showing enough to her tat i am the one for her. not being to pluck up the courage earlier to tell her tat i like her and make more effort to chase her when jj have yet to win her heart. if only i could have done tat. there's so much if only in my head now..
if only i could make her feel secured to be with me. feel secured to remove tat armour of self defense emotionally. to devote all her time and emotions on me. but i couldnt do tat.. cos i juz dint have the courage to tell her when i was supposed to...
but i am still glad i was able to meet her. although she's after juz a human with flaws and carry with her scars from failed relationships, in my eyes i still think she's perfect. whenever she tells me of her past relationship where her ex used to hit her, when i see the scar on her calf cos by scalding herself on the exhaust of her ex bike after they quarrelled, i will feel instinctively that i wan to protect her from ever suffering this type of hurt anymore. to make her the happiest ger on earth. to shower her with all the love that she rightfully deserved.
i guess sometimes things dun just turn out the way that u wan it to be. i am sure that she knows tat i wan only the best for her and i would never hurt her but i guess tat somehow i was unable to win her heart. i guess she just couldnt love me the way tat i love her.. she treats me like a good fren ... a nice guy...who cares alot for his frens. what can i do if she feels tat way. there's nothing i can do... but to let go... cos i really juz wan her to be the happiest ger on earth even if it means i am not the one to give her that happiness.i really dun wan to be a nice guy to her cos i always hear stories tat nice guys always die first. they always dun get teh ger. but i can never stop being nice to her... keep telling pple dun be too nice to gers yet i myself am unable to practice what i preach.
if it's ur decision i shall respect it. although i am still dying inside to be ur man but i shall attempt to be ur fren.. to be there for u until that right person comes along , to protect u from harm... as a fren... i juz need sometimes for me to pick up the piece of my heart... finally understood wat is the feeling of being heart broken.........
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